\n<\/p>\n
\n\tSPOILER ALERT:<\/em><\/strong> This story contains spoilers for \u201cThis Little Piggy,\u201d Season 3 Episode 5 of \u201cEuphoria<\/a>,\u201d now streaming on HBO Max.<\/em><\/p>\n \n\tThus far, the third season of HBO\u2019s \u201cEuphoria<\/a>\u201d more closely resembles \u201cTraffic\u201d spliced with a telenovela than Sam Levinson\u2019s original creation.<\/p>\n \n\tGone are the Labrinth needle-drops<\/a> and kinetic camerawork \u2014 whip-pans and dolly zooms have given way to wide shots on 65mm, as its cast of hot young actors delve deeper into a vast wasteland where hope does not<\/em> spring eternal.<\/p>\n \n\tWhen we last left the most depressing ex-high school clique ever<\/a>, Rue (Zendaya<\/a>) got caught with a whole mess of drugs and turned DEA informant; Kitty (Anna Van Patten), a new stripper at the Silver Slipper, gets a train run on her by a group of repulsive middle-aged frat boys; \u201cthe fairy tale is over\u201d between Cassie (Sydney Sweeney<\/a>) and Nate (Jacob Elordi<\/a>), as the former leaves the latter due to his $1 million debt; Lexi (Maude Apatow) gets Jules (Hunter Schafer) a job painting art for her popular soap \u201cLA Nights,\u201d only to land in hot water after Jules unveils a painting featuring a scene of nude trans folks; at the urging of Maddy (Alexa Demie), Cassie seduces an influencer at a house party in an attempt to go viral and drive traffic to her OnlyFans<\/a>; and Big Eddy (Kadeem Hardison) gets shot in the stomach and has the contents of his safe stolen at the Silver Slipper by masked gunmen in Obama masks who appear to be driven there by none other than Faye (Chloe Cherry), with the group carrying out the hit in retaliation for the poisoning of Laurie\u2019s beloved pet parrot, Paladin.<\/p>\n \n\tDeep breath.<\/em><\/p>\n \n\tHere\u2019s what went down this week\u2026<\/p>\n \n\tCassie\u2019s viral stunt with mega-influencer Brandon Fontaine (Jeff Wahlberg, nephew of Mark and Donnie) worked, and she hits 50,000 OnlyFans subscribers. Now, Maddy has her engaging in a smorgasbord of fetish content for her dedicated clientele, from ASMR dirty talk to selling her panties to masturbation with comically large dildos, and going on a number of podcasts preaching the sex positivity of OnlyFans work<\/a> (with a Trisha Paytas cameo!). We\u2019re treated to a surreal sequence wherein Cassie transforms into the 50-Foot Woman, stomping all over Downtown Los Angeles like a monster movie, which all seems like a pretext for a scene where Sweeney\u2019s giant boobs burst through the windows of a building.<\/p>\n \n\tNate is so deep in debt that he sweet-talks Cassie, who still has feelings for him, into wiring him $35,000 to make the mortgage payment on their house \u2014 and then another $30,000. He also encourages Cassie, who he calls his \u201clast hope,\u201d to move in with the thirsty Fontaine and film NSFW content with him<\/a> so she can \u201cbring home the bacon.\u201d Nate is such a fuck-up, however, that he doesn\u2019t pay off any of his debts with the money, leading to him getting his pinky torn off (again) as well as a finger by a thug.<\/p>\n \n\n\t\tAttack of the 50-Foot Cassie!\t<\/h3>\n
\n\t\tNate the Cuckold\t<\/h3>\n