\n
It\u2019s opening weekend last season.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Sunday Night Football. Everyone in America watching.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
A few months earlier I\u2019d been dropped by the Packers. Just straight up released. So I\u2019m with the Ravens at this point. We\u2019re going up against Josh Allen and the Bills. This one\u2019d been circled on my calendar all summer. I needed to show the world I was still an All-Pro caliber corner. Needed to leave no doubt. With anyone.\u00a0<\/p>\n
My knee was still messed up from a PCL injury and surgery the previous year, but I\u2019d been telling myself all preseason that I had to be out there for that Bills game. I even went down to Atlanta three weeks before kickoff to get a stem-cell procedure to try and speed up my recovery. But then I couldn\u2019t walk on my own for the next three days, and I\u2019m looking at that calendar, and \u2026 time is just flying by. I\u2019m pushing myself hard to be ready to go, but I\u2019m still having knee pain. Then, that week of practice before the game, honestly \u2026 it was clear I wasn\u2019t ready to be out on the field yet. I was trying to will my way through, and hype myself up. Just constantly telling myself: You\u2019re the best corner in the league! You\u2019re good! You\u2019ll do fine<\/em>. And then\u2026.\u00a0<\/p>\nI didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
I was bad out there.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It hurts to admit that. It\u2019s hard to say. But it\u2019s the truth. Physically, I just wasn\u2019t where I needed to be on that Sunday night against Buffalo. And that affected my mental.<\/p>\n
The Ravens had put me on a pitch count \u2014 25 plays, the dime package guy. But all during warmups I knew I wasn\u2019t at my best. I remember Rodney Harrison coming up to me down on the field and asking how I was feeling. My response was, I mean \u2026 it was just very unlike me. Basically, \u201cMy knee isn\u2019t feeling the best, but we\u2019re gonna see how it goes.\u201d I guess I already felt like maybe I\u2019d be in for a rough night.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Right before kickoff, there was some wishful thinking on my part like\u2026. We have Nate Wiggins, Marlon Humphrey, Chidobe Awuzie. We\u2019re good! I\u2019m not gonna get anywhere near 25 snaps<\/em>. But I actually went over 25. And \u2026 it wasn\u2019t pretty.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nThere\u2019s no other way to say it: I went out there and played the worst game I\u2019ve ever played in my entire life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I embarrassed myself.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Perry Knotts\/Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAnd even though I knew I wasn\u2019t at my best, I never thought for a second that what actually happened in that game would\u2019ve been possible. It was like some nightmare come to life.\u00a0<\/p>\n
There\u2019s this one play before halftime, Josh throws it across the middle on my side. Any other day, I\u2019m intercepting that ball and taking it the other way. But I don\u2019t push off and drive to the ball fast enough, so I\u2019m late getting there. Instead of picking it off and getting a clean break like I normally would, me and the receiver collide, and he makes the catch. From there, things just snowball on me. After a few more mistakes, my confidence starts to falter. Now I\u2019m messing up all over the place \u2014 guys getting behind me, missing tackles. I remember I got this one pass interference penalty on a fourth down in the second half where I was literally two steps behind the receiver. I\u2019ve always been one of the least-penalized corners in the league, I prided myself on that, but there I was \u2026 getting caught way behind the guy and then having to just reach out and grab him.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The more stuff went wrong, the more I was basically just out there trying to survive. Just trying to make it to the final whistle.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But it was brutal.\u00a0<\/p>\n
And everyone saw that. Everyone knew it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Rewind a few months from that Bills game. Back to earlier in 2025. When I was still a Packer. Back before they released me. To be honest with you\u2026.<\/p>\n
I knew it was over for me in Green Bay when they wouldn\u2019t get me the iPad.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I was coming off knee surgery on New Year\u2019s Eve and having to miss the playoff game because of that injury. So I\u2019m in recovery mode, and a few weeks into the new year I call up the Packers like, \u201cHey, can you guys send over an iPad so I can start watching film and get a jump on next season?\u201d It\u2019s something that happens constantly in our league. Teams load up iPads with tons of film and give them to guys so they can study. But in this case, after my surgery, it was this situation where \u2026 they just kept delaying things with that iPad. I didn\u2019t understand. I\u2019d ask about it, and it\u2019d be like: \u201cOh yeah, right. The iPad. Yeah, yeah, we\u2019ll get that over to you. For sure.\u201d But then nothing would arrive. And so \u2026 I just kept asking.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Still nothing.<\/p>\n
After a few weeks, I kinda got the hint. Like, Hmmmm maybe the Packers don\u2019t really want me around anymore<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nNot long after that, they got in touch about a potential pay cut. And, you know what \u2026 I understood. I was making a lot of money. I just got hurt. I had no problem with taking less money and having to prove my value again. But as we went back and forth, it just seemed like we could never get fully aligned. So now, all of a sudden, I\u2019m needing to think about maybe playing for another team \u2014 something I\u2019d never really considered in the past. I\u2019d always thought of myself as a Packer for life, had always wanted to end my career in Green Bay.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
And yeah, I understand that the NFL is a business. I get that. But at the same time, just being honest here \u2026 it wasn\u2019t easy for me coming to grips with that possibility. With the idea of potentially not being a Packer anymore.<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Larry Radloff\/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAfter I got cut, I tried to pretend like it was no big thing, but I never really fully dealt with all the emotions I was feeling, you know what I mean? What I\u2019ve realized since, in working with my therapist, is that me leaving Green Bay \u2026 it was almost like a marriage coming to an end. And for someone who had devoted so much of his life to this game, that\u2019s not gonna be something that happens and then you just move on like whatever<\/em>. It lingers. And sticks with you. Or at least it did with me. And I can tell you point blank that I absolutely<\/em> blamed myself in the moments when I\u2019d think about that divorce.\u00a0<\/p>\nSo that entire offseason, as things went south between me and the Packers, I kind of just went into my own little shell. I wanted to be left alone. I felt like I\u2019d let myself down, let the organization down, and let all the Packers fans out there down.<\/p>\n
I spent a lot of time just kind of sulking, and feeling really sad. I literally went weeks without seeing anyone<\/em>. When that iPad thing happened, I told myself to start preparing to be released, and I really thought I\u2019d been doing that. But then when it happened, I mean \u2026 I just wasn\u2019t ready for it.\u00a0<\/p>\nI really struggled.<\/p>\n
I actually ended up getting a puppy at that point, just so that I\u2019d have some company \u2014 K-Tal, an American Akita. She basically became my best friend. And she meant a ton to me in those down moments. I found so much joy and happiness with her.<\/p>\n
But that was basically all I had in terms of something to be happy about.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Courtesy of Jaire Alexander<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAt one point that summer, I remember I talked to Lamar Jackson, who\u2019d been my college teammate at Louisville, and he was like: \u201cMan, we\u2019d love to have you on this team. We\u2019ve got a spot for you. You\u2019d like it here.\u201d So I went and visited Baltimore, and that organization embraced me right away.<\/p>\n
But I still wasn\u2019t right physically, or in a good place mentally.<\/p>\n
The Ravens knew that they were signing one of the best corners in the league for what amounted to a steal, so it was good vibes immediately. But I\u2019d only spent two and a half months recovering after my surgery before getting back out on the practice field, and I still needed time. I was completely honest about that.\u00a0<\/p>\n
After my first few practices in Baltimore, it became clear that my knee was not adapting well to the stress levels of camp. I was still having swelling, and pain. I knew my team needed me on the field, though. So instead of doing the smart thing and just resting, and fully recovering, I kept pushing toward that Bills game. That resulted in this psychological battle where I\u2019d be trying to convince myself I could do anything I put my mind to, even if I was hurting. And then, of course, I\u2019d go out and re-injure my knee on the practice field. Then I\u2019d get more and more dejected about letting everyone around me down.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It became like a cycle. A cycle of sadness and disappointment, basically.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
And all the while I\u2019d keep telling everybody I was OK\u2026.<\/p>\n
But I wasn\u2019t OK at all.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Following that Bills game opening weekend, that was the first time in my life where it\u2019s ever crossed my mind like, I don\u2019t know if I can continue to play football anymore.<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\nI\u2019d been looking forward to that game for so long. Been telling myself I was gonna go out there and dominate. And then \u2026 it just didn\u2019t happen.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I was super hard on myself after that. I\u2019ll never forget my dad trying to convince me it was just a bump in the road or whatever. Like: \u201cDude, you couldn\u2019t even walk three weeks ago. It\u2019s OK. Everything will be fine.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
I wasn\u2019t buying it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
As soon as that game ended, I basically lost trust in myself as a player. And I also lost a lot of trust in what people would be telling me. Going in, everyone I knew was saying that I was going to play great, and that I\u2019d be fine out there. Heck, I was telling me that, too. So when I went out there and stunk it up, it was like my entire world got turned upside down. I pretty much lost faith in everything and everybody.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Logan Bowles\/Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAnd what hurt the most that night of the Bills game? Honestly? Believe it or not, the most heartbreaking thing for me was what Rodney Harrison said about me afterward.\u00a0<\/p>\n
He\u2019d definitely been one of my idols as a young player. Someone I looked up to. And look, I get that I played horrible, obviously. But for him to basically rip me to shreds on TV after the game\u2026.<\/p>\n
That just really hurt, you know what I mean?<\/p>\n
He wasn\u2019t wrong about how I played. He was right<\/em>! But like, just hearing him talk about me like that, like I was basically the worst player in the league \u2026 it truly messed me up. It had me completely down about everything<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nThat night, no joke, I went home and cried my eyes out.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Then, that next morning \u2026 I remember I was so embarrassed to walk into the Ravens facility. That was the most embarrassed I\u2019ve ever felt in the game of football. Actually, you know what \u2026 it\u2019s probably the most embarrassed I\u2019ve ever been just in life overall.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Here I am, the new guy, with all these expectations. And I go out and perform like that?\u00a0<\/p>\n
I was just very, very embarrassed.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Perry Knotts\/Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAt that point, I really needed help to get through everything I was feeling. In talking with my therapist after I got to the Ravens, one of the big things that we came to realize was that I was still struggling to deal with how things ended for me in Green Bay. I was still really hurt, and it was something I hadn\u2019t gotten over. So I was already going through some stuff mentally before that Bills game. But then, after that game, everything just got magnified. I felt so awful. Just totally miserable. I needed help on how to navigate through that building, how to deal with the embarrassment. No matter what I tried to tell myself, I couldn\u2019t help thinking\u2026.\u00a0<\/p>\n
These guys are judging me. They\u2019re all like, Man, now I get why Green Bay cut him!<\/em>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nI honestly thought the Ravens might drop me that next day. But the team knew my knee wasn\u2019t right, and they wanted to give me a chance for it to recover, so I could maybe pan out. The thing is, I knew by that point that for the type of recovery I needed, I wasn\u2019t going to be able to keep pushing it. I needed full-on rest. So when the team was deactivating me for games after that \u2026 and this sounds crazy for sure, but \u2026 I\u2019m not gonna say I was happy about it, but at the same time, I wasn\u2019t super mad. I literally went from being a Pro Bowl corner to not even being angry about being scratched for games.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Then one afternoon my agent calls me up and tells me that some teams are considering trading for me. A few days later I\u2019m walking into the Eagles facility in Philly.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\nMy head\u2019s messed up right now. My head is truly messed up. I don\u2019t know what to do anymore.<\/p>\n
–\u00a0Jaire Alexander<\/cite><\/p><\/blockquote>\nSince I hadn\u2019t been suiting up for games at that point, and was practicing less, I was actually feeling pretty good when I came over to the Eagles. And I obviously felt like I needed to prove something. For those first couple days, I mean, let me tell you \u2026 I was one of the best DBs out on that practice field. And I was excited, too, because the Eagles were about to play at Green Bay their next game. It was all systems go.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
But as game day got closer, my knee kept swelling up more and more. It\u2019s getting worse and worse because of all the reps. And in my head, as much as I\u2019m trying to not think this way, it\u2019s like.\u2026 Here we go again<\/em>.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nI was freaking out. I couldn\u2019t stop thinking about a potential repeat of what happened in that Bills game. But this time against my former team. In my former home stadium. I mean, I know<\/em> all those people. So it was even more terrifying.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nThe team had planned for me to have my knee drained the day before the game, and then to give it a go against the Packers. And I remember hearing that plan and checking my phone and seeing that it was like seven degrees or something in Green Bay, and then just having all these thoughts swirl through my head about my knee in that weather.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I went home the night before we were supposed to be flying out to Green Bay in the morning, and I didn\u2019t sleep a wink. I\u2019m tossing and turning in bed nonstop. I\u2019m worried and anxious and unable to stop all the negative thoughts from creeping in.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I couldn\u2019t do it anymore.<\/p>\n
At like 3 or 4 a.m., I sat up in bed and texted everyone with the Eagles. It was like\u2026. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but I don\u2019t think I\u2019m going to do this. I can\u2019t keep playing like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then, a few hours later, I went down to the facility and told them all in person.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I was done.<\/p>\n
I remember I had this very emotional heart-to-heart talk that morning with Christian Parker, who was the Eagles DBs coach at the time. I was basically crying my eyes out to him about letting even more<\/em> people down. That\u2019d basically been the story of my life for the previous year, at least in my head \u2014 me messing up in some way and letting people down, and then feeling miserable.\u00a0<\/p>\nI remember telling Coach Parker in that moment: \u201cMy head\u2019s messed up right now. My head is truly messed up. I don\u2019t know what to do anymore.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
<\/p>\n
<\/div>\n
Deciding to step away from the game was one of the toughest things I\u2019ve ever had to do. But I absolutely did<\/em> have to do it.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\nBefore I made the decision, I had everyone around me encouraging me, and trying to prop me up. People I cared about and loved. They were all like: \u201cYou can do this. Don\u2019t give up, Jaire. Don\u2019t quit.\u201d But I was really struggling. Going through things that no one could see, basically having an internal battle with myself. And it wasn\u2019t healthy.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
That night when I texted everyone at the Eagles about not making the trip to Green Bay, I did a lot of journaling \u2014 like in that moment, stream of consciousness. I was basically just having a conversation with myself. Asking myself questions about my life. And the answers \u2026 they weren\u2019t pretty. When I stopped writing, and then went back and read what I had written, and felt the emotion behind it, I knew what I had to do.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I needed to listen to myself, and look out for myself, and put my well-being first.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n
\n
<\/g><\/g><\/svg>Michael Owens\/Getty Images<\/figcaption><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nI still have that journal with me in my house.\u00a0<\/p>\n
And as hard as it is to read what I wrote that night, I\u2019m so grateful for that book. And for everything that it helped bring about.\u00a0<\/p>\n
It probably won\u2019t surprise you to learn that when news broke that I was stepping away from football, it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. That was the biggest feeling of relief I\u2019ve ever experienced.<\/p>\n
There were no regrets.\u00a0<\/p>\n
In the days and weeks after that, I\u2019d wake up with my knee absolutely killing me, and in my head, I wouldn\u2019t be missing football. It would just be: Man, I\u2019m so glad I\u2019m not out on the field making this thing even worse<\/em>. And now, six months later, finally \u2026 my knee actually feels great. It was basically this weird PCL injury where any time I\u2019d cut or twist my leg, it\u2019d swell up and have me in pain. Practicing on it just made things worse. It really did just need full-on rest.\u00a0<\/p>\nAt first, I\u2019ll admit that it was a bit tough watching games. But I knew that my decision was for the best. I\u2019ve been at peace with it. And, in fact, I\u2019ve honestly just been more at peace overall lately. I\u2019ve been meditating a lot, showing gratitude for everything I have in this life. Then, starting in mid-February, I fasted for 30 days during Ramadan, and I feel like I\u2019m in a much better place than I\u2019ve been over the past year. I\u2019ve started going back to my old high school, hosting some 7-on-7 camps for kids, trying to pass on what I\u2019ve learned over the years. I\u2019m even working on creating an app to help DBs use technology to play the position at a high level. So I\u2019m definitely keeping busy.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not gonna lie, I actually do sometimes miss being on the field and competing. I miss making those big plays I used to make. And the crowd screaming my name. Doing my sword celebration for the fans. All that stuff is a lot of fun.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But I\u2019m proud of myself for recognizing that something wasn\u2019t right with me, and then doing something about it before it got any worse.\u00a0<\/p>\n
People still sometimes ask me if I\u2019m ever gonna come back and play. And, you know what \u2026 I\u2019ll never say never \u2014 I still work out, and the knee\u2019s fine now, so I\u2019m in good shape. But for me, right now, the most important thing really is just to be in a good place overall. To be happy.<\/p>\n
If there\u2019s anything I\u2019ve learned over this past year, it\u2019s that life isn\u2019t always gonna go perfect. There will always be ups and downs. And sometimes just being able to say that you\u2019re in a good place, and just being happy overall\u2026.<\/p>\n
That really is good enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Source link <\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"It\u2019s opening weekend last season.\u00a0 Sunday Night Football. Everyone in America watching.\u00a0\u00a0 A few months earlier I\u2019d been dropped by the Packers. Just straight up released. So I\u2019m with the Ravens at this point. We\u2019re going up against Josh Allen and the Bills. This one\u2019d been circled on my calendar all summer. I needed to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":129248,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"googlesitekit_rrm_CAow2JLhCw:productID":"","_gspb_post_css":"","maa_idioma":"","maa_pais":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[11178,6909,35471,4218,30435,8947],"class_list":["post-129247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ubirata","tag-alexander","tag-full","tag-jaire","tag-nfl","tag-stepped","tag-story"],"blocksy_meta":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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